By Brad Friedman on 4/23/2008, 5:02pm PT  

Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is the luckiest woman in the world. Just when it looks like she'll have no chance to become the party's nominee, extraordinary good news comes her way, just at the last minute. Again.

Take, for example, yesterday's Pennsylvania Primary. For weeks we heard endlessly how she would need a double-digit victory margin in the Keystone State to offer a legitimate reason for her to stay in the race. And, as the gods would have it, she achieved the ability to trumpet that double-digit margin by a single tenth of a percent.

With 99.51% of the vote reportedly counted as of this moment, according to the PA Dept. of State's own numbers, it's Clinton's 54.6% to Obama's 45.4%.

So, in truth, that's actually just a 9.2-point difference, but, as luck would have it for the New York Senator, rounding each of those numbers to their nearest percent, as the bulk of the media were happy to do today, allows for a nice, easily-trumpeted, double-digit, 55% to 45% number that can be reported far and wide!

The stunning turn of good fortune comes on the heels of Clinton's last make-or-break moment back in New Hampshire, when conventional wisdom had all but counted her out after her loss to Obama in the Iowa Caucus. But, there again, Clinton came through, despite both pre-election and exit poll numbers which all, almost uniformly, predicted she'd face a thumpin'.

Of course, you conspiracy theorists out there are likely to spin this tale of remarkable providence, into a shadowy tale of skulduggery by supporters of a Clinton nomination, be they Democrats or Republicans, who'd rather see her, instead of Obama, go up against John McCain in the fall.

But you'd have not an iota of actual proof to support your paranoid suspicions...

When spinning your fantastic yarns, you fail to show respect for the will of the voters in both NH and PA who expressed their...well, not the voters per se, but the election officials, who dutifully certified that...well, not the election officials actually, but the vote counting computers which reportedly reported numbers that prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Hillary Clinton won dramatically in both states!

Well...not necessarily "dramatically," since election integrity organizations observing and fielding calls from voters yesterday in PA reported that "problems with voting machines and inaccurate voter registration rolls caused countless eligible voters to be needlessly refused the right to vote." But "countless" doesn't necessarily translate into one-tenth of a percent!

So the computers reported that she won --- whether dramatically or not --- beyond a shadow of a doubt in both states!

Well...beyond a shadow of a doubt may be an overstatement, since in Pennsylvania it's not as if the officials there could actually prove that any vote cast yesterday for a candidate on the ballot on any of the 85% of the state's votes recorded on electronic machines, was actually cast or recorded as any voter intended. But still...even with a 100% dearth of actual evidence to prove that Clinton won, much less by a comfortable, well, a one-tenth of a percent margin large enough to quality as "double-digit" for most of the media...well, you must admit that she's a very very lucky woman, and you can't prove otherwise either!

Your fertile imagination is a threat to our democracy, and thus to the very foundation of our nation!

Of course, the Republican or Democratic parties themselves have it within their power to once-and-for-all put an end to your endlessly exhausting conspiracy theories and falderall, by making it nearly impossible for you loons to continue your incessant ramblings. They could ensure an election system in which it could be proven, with actual evidence and such, that the person that they the computers announced as the winner was actually the one who received the most votes. They could. But obviously, they don't want to.

Both parties prefer serving under endless clouds of suspicion. Forever. Because what you freaks and moonbats and sore losers just don't seem to understand is that it serves the interests of both parties for large chunks of the electorate to believe that members of their own party may not have been legitimately elected.

Why does it serve their interest? I don't know. But just as public servant election administrators in Pennsylvania, and many other states around the country, don't have to offer any proof to you --- any at all --- as to who actually won official elections, I don't have to prove my case either.

Just saying it is enough.

So I'll say it again: Hillary Clinton is the luckiest woman in America.

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